Friday, February 18, 2011

Vaderland, Fatherland,
I can write a book on how I feel about the Netherlands. It's a deep, but changeable relationship and I have gone from pretty much despising anything Dutch, to loving it so deeply and being so loyal, nearly forgetting my other, native, homeland. 
Right now I am in a state of euphoria about my Vaderland, the one that has nothing to do with my father. That was the country I chose to belong to, a concept as weird as choosing your own family. Before we left for the USA I felt so tired and bored in here that I never imagined I would feel like that again. But in the last week in here, when sun was shining and life in the back yard of my old house was just as beautiful as I remembered it, I realized that this place has planted deep under my skin. I have caught the virus of Dutchism, but in my own confusingly foreign way. 
I have no desire to become Dutch. The opposite, I want to remain a foreigner in this country. I don't think it's even a choice, but more like a realization. I am never going to be what one would call" fully integrated". I see no point of doing that. The world is globalizing by the minute and yet some people think that we should all come in and blend in like a weird chameleonic plant. No f....way. 
Yet, this is my country. And the more I live abroad, the more I set my record straight. Landing in Schiphol makes me always take a deep breath of relief. I know that in here I will be alright. This is home, because everything works as I expected it to. 
Some things in here annoy me. Like last Monday while shopping I had the unfortunate chance to listen to some small talks which almost caused nausea. I hate small minded people, but that has nothing to do with being here, it can happen in any country. 
For the most though, I feel simply at home, in my random, English-speaking, expatrial ways. I even thing that's encouraged by the society nowadays. When I tried to "fit in", the society gave me a cold shoulder. The moment I gave up and I decided to be the weird, foreign one, everyone is jumping up and down to help. I almost give up speaking Dutch to people. Who wants to be treated as a second category if first class treatment is possible too?
One of the reasons I am proud to hold a Dutch passport:

1 comment:

  1. Hi Lora, Nice blog you have and intresting post you make here. I'm also a foreigner in Germany. (I'm Dutch) You make a point when you say; 'When I tried to fit in, the society gave me a cold shoulder. The moment I gave up and I decided to be the weird, foreign one, everyone is jumping up and down to help.' Open minded or small minded it's all in the person and with in the person I meen every person also you. Born Dutch is not choice, to become Dutch is a choice. If you live anywhere on the planet why learn Dutch? Not becours you have a Dutch passport. But if you know you stay I big part part of your life in that country? The thing is that when people want to criterias you the always find something. Fuck them! (not literally) But speaking the Language gives you so match more benefits and it makes live in that country match more easier for you self and it lets you grow more self-assured to defend your self against all the crap the saying. It will give you also more peace of mind. At least I think so about it. Give it a minute. Maxima will agree with it;) Greetings Dirk. (''fully integrated" is so '70, boring and small minded) Stay treu to your self that makes you Beautiful.